


All We Want And Then Some

by aftermathangel



Series: Captive Sunshine [2]
Category: Adam Lambert (Musician)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-11
Updated: 2017-07-11
Packaged: 2018-01-14 04:01:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 21,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1251991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aftermathangel/pseuds/aftermathangel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Adam & Sauli travel back to see friends and family, they return home with much more than they originally planned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Welcome Back

** Adam **

I carefully cracked my neck and gently rubbed it. It was so stiff from Sauli, because had his head peacefully resting on my shoulder for the past almost 6 hours. He stirred and looked at me with sleepy eyes as I gently kissed his forehead.

“We're here baby.” He blinked up at me letting out a deep yawn his neck cracking as he moved.

“Already? I slept 6 hours straight?!?”

“Yeah you were out cold. Feeling nervous at all?”

“No ... i'm ok.”

“You sure?” I raised an eyebrow at him and he let out a deep sigh.

“Yes ... stop worrying Addy I’m fine. I wanted to come back to visit too, I miss everyone.”

“You know me, worrying is what I do best.”

I gently kissed his lips and stood up to retrieve our carry-ons from the overhead bin. i grabbed them both and the two of us started our journey out into the airport. it didn't take long to spot Tommy, Ashley, and Terrance waving at us like fools and jumping up and down in excitement. When we got over there the 3 of them pulled us into a huge group hug.

“We missed you both SOO much.” Ashley squeed squeezing the both of us a little TOO tightly in excitement. “How are things over in Finlandia?”

“Good ... great actually.” I looked over at Sauli and we giggled before giving each other a peck on the lips. We hadn't told them that we were engaged even though I had popped the question almost 4 months before.

“What are the two of you sneaky boys hiding from us now?” She sighed her hand dramatically on her hip. Sauli let out another little giggle before responding.

“We got engaged.”  

Ashley gasped in excitement and grabbed at Sauli’s hand yanking it upwards to see the ring.

“I’m so happy for the both of you!”

“Yeah congrats guys.” Tommy smiled and pulled us both into hugs followed by Terrance.

“So when’s the wedding … and where?”

“Don’t know yet. We just started planning about a month ago, wanted to wait for my love to get better first.” I smiled at Sauli who buried his head in the crook of my neck and nuzzled in. I was so glad to have him back again … he meant everything to me. Tommy gave Sauli a sad look and gently grabbed his arm to get his attention.

“How are you feeling Sauli? I wanted to come see you but I just didn’t have the extra cash.”

“Better than I was but still taking it day by day. I’m a bit weaker on my right side but they said in time I’ll get stronger. I’m so blessed to have Adam by my side. I don’t know if I would’ve gotten through this without him.” Ashley let out an _‘aww’_ and snuggled Sauli back in her arms again.

“You two are too cute. I’m going to die from presh overload. Come on let’s go back to the house I made chicken and homemade macaroni and cheese.”

We picked up our rental car and headed back to Tommy and Ashley’s place where we sat around catching up on each other’s lives. It felt AMAZING to be back home. Even Sauli seemed to be enjoying himself. We were exhausted so about 8pm we headed back to the hotel room. I laid down on the bed while Sauli went to get ready. He walked into the room and I opened up my arms waiting for his body to be snuggled into them. A smile spread across his face before he curled up and I wrapped my arms protectively around him. 

“I love you so much baby.” I murmured in his ear as his body relaxed against me.

“I love you more.”

“Doubt it.” I smirked at him and gently kissed his forehead before drifting off to sleep.


	2. Do You Miss Us

** Sauli **

I woke up on Adam’s chest and stood up careful to avoid waking him. I was so stiff for some reason so I stretched before slipping on a t-shirt and sweats to head downstairs to pick up breakfast. When I got there, I heard excited yells but didn’t think much of it. As I was finishing ordering our food I felt tapping on my arm. I turned and saw a girl standing there with about 20 other glamberts standing further back . Thank god I had gotten over my stranger issues. I gave them a huge smile which made them get even more excited.

“Hey Sauli! How are you feeling … better I hope?”

“Much … thanks for asking. How did you know anyway?”

“All the glamily were asking for light and love to be sent your way. It was really nice to see the picture of all of you from last night. We’ve missed Adam and you SO much.”

“I’ve missed you girls too … and I know Adam has as well.”

“Does he like Finland?”

“Yeah … other than the cold. He’s a Cali boy after all.” They giggled and I realized that our breakfasts were ready. “Do you girls want a quick group picture before I leave?”

“SURE … if you don’t mind.” They all were SOO excited it was cute.

I quickly posed for a group picture and with one last goodbye headed back upstairs. I made sure nobody was following me but they were very respectful and had stayed in the lobby. Adam was sitting on the bed sleepy eyed and when I walked into the room he gave me a sleepy smile.

“Hey baby, where were you?”

“Went downstairs to pick up breakfast for us. There are some glamberts down there.”

“How many?” I could see him stiffen up in ‘alert’ mode.

“Oh about 20 or so … they were very sweet and respectful.”

“Did they bother you?” His eyes were full of worry … he was SO protective of me.

“One of them came to get my attention and chat with me. Wanted to know how I was feeling and to let me know that they missed us both a lot. Also asked if you liked Finland.”

“They didn’t get grabby with you did they?”

“Not at all. I took a group picture with them and they were happy as clams. I think it would mean a lot to them if they got to see you.”

“Do you mind if I go down there for a little bit?”

“Not at all … but you should probably eat first before your sandwich gets cold.”

He grabbed the bag and retrieved his sandwich. Then he pulled out his phone to check the buzz on twitter. He started giggling and handed the phone over to me so I could read some of the tweets.

_@glambert33523: @saulikoskinen1 was just down in the lobby with us!! He’s such a sweetheart <3_

_@crazzygirl4Adam: There is an engagement ring on @saulikoskinen1’s finger. They are ENGAGED!! I’m so happy for them!!_

_@glammad: Hanging around in the lobby hoping that our luck continues and @adamlambert comes down sometime today._

_@werkbitchezzz: I don’t know why so many people don’t like @saulikoskinen1. He is an absolute doll and super sweet. I can’t believe how tiny he is. He smells REALLY good._

_@thereisaidit133: @saulikoskinen1 said he's doing much better, so glad that our prayers worked. He makes Addy so happy he deserves our love too <3_

_@cuckoo4adamlambert: @adamlambert can you please come down to see us sometime today? We miss you SOO MUCH! Tell @saulikoskinen1 to come too we def. wouldn't mind seeing him again ;)_

“They get so excited over just a little sighting … it’s pretty cute.” I chuckled handing the phone back over to Adam.

“How did they even know we were in town?”

“Someone posted one of the pictures we took last night on instagram. The girl mentioned how nice it was to see a picture of all of us together again.”

“Alright, I’m going to head down there for a bit. Do you want to come with me?”

“Sure.”

We walked downstairs arm in arm and the fans squealed upon seeing Adam. They came running over asking for hugs and individual pictures crowding around us. I was perfectly ok with it but Adam looked over at me with protective eyes. I gently patted his arm to say I was alright and only then did he allow himself to relax and give the girls what they wanted. We probably spent about a half hour with them just sitting and talking because they were so chill and they didn’t tweet or call anyone to tell them to come over. They were so over the moon it was absolutely adorable. I got up to throw a piece of paper away and when I walked back Adam pulled me down on his lap as I giggled. The glamberts thought it was THE cutest thing ever.

“So it’s true that you’re engaged right?”

“Sure is … I love this man here with every ounce of my being. He means everything to me.” I looked up at him and smiled nuzzling my face against his neck lovingly.

“When are you getting married?”

“Don’t know yet we just recently started planning.”

“We’ll have to get the both of you something amazing.”

“Awe thank you girls but that’s not necessary. Really it’s not.”

“It might not be necessary but you both deserve it. Sauli, thank you for being in Adam’s life and making him so happy. You don’t know how much we respect and love you for that.” The all nodded in acknowledgement they were so sweet.

“It’s my pleasure … he makes me just as happy.”

“Sauli … can we ask exactly what happened to you? None of the glamily would say. They only said you were in really bad shape.”

“My ex attacked and strangled me. I stopped breathing and on the way to the hospital had a massive stroke. I had to learn to walk and talk again. Adam sat with me and worked on speech therapy when you could barely understand what I was trying to say. It’s because of him I’m better … it’s because of him I got this far.”

“You had a big part in it too Sauli. You’re my fighter … you never gave up.”

“You’re ok now though … right?”

They all looked at me with worried faces … it was adorable how much they really cared.

“I take it day by day. I’m still a little weaker on my right side and sometimes my vision is a little blurry.”

“Adam … do you miss us? Do you miss singing?”

“I do but Sauli’s health and happiness are my utmost concern. He thrives at home in Finland and so that’s where I need to be … where I want to be. I sing all the time but now it’s for Sauli and our friends and family there.”

“Will you talk more on twitter with us? It would be nice to still have a connection with you of some sort. There are still a lot of us around … we still have your back.”

“I only stopped because I saw all the hate on Sauli. It hurt to see that the same people who I trusted and who I believed always had my back, were also capable of such vile hate. Wishing he would die … such awful horrible things.” Adam gently took my hand squeezing it.

“We need you to know they are not your true glamberts … we would never say something like that. Sauli means as much to us as you do. There was always a section of the fandom that hates you Sauli, which still spews such vile hate. I just can’t understand how they could. They make up lies and say you’re mean and rude. You don’t seem to have an evil bone in your body.”

“Thanks … it means a lot hearing that.”

Adam was quiet for a moment before speaking up again. “So there’s still hate?” Just as much?”

“No … worse.”

“Worse!?! Why?”

“They blame Sauli for you quitting singing. They blame him for taking you away from us.”

“That’s bull he had nothing to do with my decision. I made it on my own. He didn’t even know about it beforehand.”

I hung my head in sadness and Adam pulled me in close against him. “I’m sorry Addy.”

“Don’t you dare be sorry baby … you did nothing wrong.”

“Yeah Sauli you didn’t do anything to feel bad about. We love you so much and we support the both of you always.” The rest of the girls nodded in agreement and I smiled.

“Since you got individual pictures with Adam, would you like individual pictures with me as well?” They all got huge smiles and started cheering in agreement. They were so super excited that I felt comfortable enough with them to do this. After I finished, it was time to say goodbye. When we got back up to our room I caught Adam smiling at me out of the corner of my eye.

“You seemed so at ease Sauli … so at peace and happy. It’s beautiful to see you able to be yourself again.”

“They are sweet girls Adam … you always did have THE best fans.” He smiled but then his face went numb and so broken looking. It was terrible to see.

“Other than the ones that hate you. I can’t stand going on twitter and seeing that. It splits my heart in a million pieces, makes me sick to my stomach.”

“Why don’t you make a private account? This way you can control who you let in and you’ll have a better handle on keeping the haters out.”

“You know, that’s a pretty awesome idea babe.”

“What can I say I’m absolutely brilliant.” I smirked playfully at him and he chuckled and gently pushed me.

“You’re such a freakin smartass.”


	3. She's Going To Be The Death Of Us

** Adam **

We ended up just lounging on the balcony of the hotel room most of the day soaking up much needed sunlight. Sauli was laying on his stomach on the lounger trying to get his back as tanned as his front. I walked over and started massaging in more tanning oil. He let out a happy sigh and relaxed his muscles allowing me to get deeper into the tissue.

“Good baby?”

“Yes … amazing. You give the best massages ever.”

“Why thank you sunshine …”

I very gently laid on top of his back and he groaned.

“Babe! I’m trying to get tanned … you’re gonna mess it all up.”

“Ok Mr. Grumpy Gills you finish tanning and I’ll be inside when you’re done alright?”

He didn’t answer and I gently kissed the side of his neck before retreating inside. I sat down on the couch and started flipping through the TV channels trying to find something worth watching. About an hour later I noticed that I had messages on my phone. Sauli’s mom had texted me 10 times since the night before about wedding stuff. I swear she was going to go crazy or drive us crazy one or the other. She said she sent me an email with all this research she did and a tentative guest list. I pulled out my computer and my jaw dropped as I saw she had 220 on the list not even including my friends and family. She had a plan for EVERYTHING down to which silverware we should use. I didn’t hear Sauli come inside so he startled me as he wrapped his arms around me being nosey.

“Sauli!” My heart was pounding against my chest like a jackhammer and he gently rubbed my arm to calm me down.

“Sorry … what are you looking at?”

“Your mom is going to be the death of us. Take a look at this …” He stood there looking at everything and finally shook his head letting out a loud sigh. I opened up my arms and he sat on my lap resting his head on my shoulder sadly. “What’s wrong baby?”

“This … this isn’t us it’s her all the way. I don’t want this, it’s too much.”

“I know … it’s definitely not us. So are you happily tanned?”

“As good as I can be. Sorry I snapped at you I’m not in the best frame of mind right now.”

“What’s on your mind? You know you can talk to me about anything.” I gently pulled his head up from my shoulder so that I was looking him directly in the eyes. He paused and avoided eye contact until I gently rubbed his cheek with my thumb. “Please tell me baby …”

“You’re so happy here Addy … I know this is your home.”

“No … you’re wrong. My home is wherever I’m with you. YOU are home to me Sauli Eerik Koskinen. And I never want you to forget that. Yes I love LA it’s my birthplace but I’m growing to love Finland just as much if not more. I don’t want you to think I want to stay here because I don’t. It’s just nice to come get some sun for a bit don’t you think.”

“Yeah … I love you Adam.”

“I love you too … always.”

“And forever?”

“And ever and ever … and EVER” I playfully kissed at his neck every time I said ever and he giggled before giving me a passionate kiss on the lips. It continued for a few minutes but then he pulled away. He was lovingly snuggled up on me for about an hour in complete silence when I suddenly got a great idea. “Sauli … let’s get married.”

“Huh … what?” He pulled away looking at me completely bewildered.

“Let’s do our own thing. We can go to Vegas … get a penthouse suite at one of the casinos. We’ll get married at a little wedding chapel. THAT’S us not these fancy table linens and designer tuxes. Just you and me … like it should be.”

Sauli’s smile could’ve probably been seen from space as he blissfully nodded his approval. By the next night we were relaxing in luxury at the Venetian. I was admiring how amazing our hotel suite was when Sauli walked in the room fresh from his shower a fluffy towel wrapped around his waist. I looked at him and hungrily devoured him from head to toe.

“What … you like?”

“You have no idea how much baby.” I growled giving him a ‘ _come hither’_ stare.

“I bet you’d like me more … like this.” He slowly unwrapped the towel from around his waist and threw it into the corner. Seductively slinked over to me and gently pushed me back on the bed draping himself on top of me. I moaned at him as he slowly slid off my shirt massaging the muscles of my chest. “About time I give you a good massage … make you feel as special as you make me feel baby. Just relax ok … I’ll take good care of you.”

I just closed my eyes as my loving fiancé gave me THE most wonderful full body massage. Then he snuggled up on my naked body snuggling skin-on-skin.

“That was amazing baby. Whatever did I do to deserve an angel like you?”

“We could do more … if you want?”

He teasingly ran his fingers down my taunt abdomen as I shuddered. The doctor had told Sauli to take it easy with sex for the time being so we hadn’t really done anything other than the occasional hand job. I could tell that Sauli’s arm was bothering him as it always did when he overworked the muscles. I gently kissed his forehead and smoothed down his dampened hair.

“No baby that’s ok. You’ve done enough for me tonight. You just relax sunshine.”

It was then that I realized he had already drifted off to sleep. He looked so peaceful … so blissfully happy. I smiled and carefully reached over turning the lamp off. We had a big day ahead of us.


	4. It's A Big Day

** Sauli **

I woke up to Adam’s gentle snores beneath me and smiled … he was so handsome. I gently started kissing his neck and a smile spread across his face while he slept. Then I gently caressed his cheek with my thumb and he hesitantly opened his eyes blinking from the bright sunlight streaming in the room. I eagerly met our lips hastily kissing them. Adam pulled away with a grin a mile wide. 

“Well … someone sure is feisty this morning.” He teased sleep still apparent in his voice. I loved when he first woke up in the morning his hair in a million different directions … his voice low and husky.

“Of course … it’s a big day after all.”

“It sure is baby and I can NOT wait.”

I found myself running my hands through his hair as he just stared at me lovingly. I stopped and snuggled back on him relaxing every muscle in my body. I had just gotten comfortable when my phone started ringing. I groaned and got out of bed shivering at the coldness of the room on my exposed body. Once I realized that it was my mom I put it on silent … I didn’t want to think of her right now especially not today. Adam finally sat up and went to take a shower. I joined him and together we got completely cleaned up. After getting dressed in our nicest casual wear, we headed to a small wedding chapel.

I looked at Adam before we walked inside. “Are you sure about this?”

“Yes … are you?”

“Most definitely … I don’t want all that fuss. This way the focus is on us … like it should be.”

I grabbed Adam’s hand nervously and we walked inside to fill out the necessary paperwork. It was about $100 for the licenses and whatnot so we paid and then were led to a small room to wait our turn. I was so nervous suddenly but not because I didn’t want to do it, I wanted this more than anything in the world. I reached in my pocket to make sure that Adam’s wedding band was still there. We had gone shopping the day before each of us purchasing the other’s. Before we knew it, it was our turn and together we walked up to a small alter. We had asked someone if they would film and they were more than happy to honor our request. We had written our own vows and I looked into Adam’s crystal blue eyes as I spoke.

“Addy you’re my best friend and everything to me. You’ve been right by my side through everything I’ve gone through and you’re the reason I stand here today. I know it hasn’t been easy and that I’m a stubborn fool sometimes but I can’t imagine my life without you. We are soul mates … made for each other. I promise to always be here for you whenever you need a helping hand or some words of support. I promise to care for you in good times and in bad. I promise that I’ll TRY to remember to do the dishes without you asking me 25 times and I won’t get mad when you sing the same songs OVER and OVER. But most of all Adam Mitchel Lambert, I promise to love you always and forever.”

I tried to get the ring on his finger but my hands were shaking so bad that it took a moment. He gently clasped my hand in his rubbing it to get me to calm down.

“My Sauli … however can I find the words to tell you how much you mean to me. You are the air that I breathe, the sun in my sky, the songs that I sing. Without you there is no me. Yeah we’ve had our share of bumps in this crazy life but we’ve weathered all the storms together. I know we’ll continue sticking together through anything that comes our way. You may be stubborn as hell but it’s that feistiness that always brings a smile to my face. I can never stay mad at you for long. Especially when I look into those baby blues of yours and see the loving kind soul I fell in love with that night in Helsinki. I truly believe that fate brought us together and we’re meant to never leave each other’s side. I’ll love you forever Sauli Eerik Koskinen … not even death will stop my loving you.”

He gently slid the ring on my finger and they finally pronounced us husbands. I was so blissfully happy that I kissed Adam for probably a good 45 seconds longer than needed. We collected the video footage and thanked everyone before leaving and heading back to the hotel arm-in-arm deliriously happy. When we were about to walk into the hotel suite, Adam scooped me up into a bridal carry earning a fit of giggles from me. He carried me thru the door and then gently set me down on the bed. I eagerly grabbed at him pulling him down on me.

“Baby chill ... relax.”

“But Addy ...”

“I don't want you to hurt yourself.” He still had my arms held down protectively but he finally let go as I gently rubbed his arm.

“I'm ok ... please I want this ... I need this.”

I looked at him with lust filled eyes as I placed my hands on his ass cheeks rubbing them tenderly with my fingertips. He nodded and I nearly made him fall off the bed turning him so that I was on top.

“No ... baby wait let me go put the sign on the door.” I let him up and he stumbled over toward the door putting the 'do not disturb' sign outside. His intense need radiated off every pore of his body as he carefully made his way back over to the bed. I pulled him back down on me and kissed his nose.

“You top ... I need that.”

“Are you sure you're ready? You’re feeling ok?”

“I'm feeling more than ok baby ... I'm feeling perfect, amazing, and so very very blessed to have you for my own. Yes I’m so ready ... I know you are too.”

He leaned up and removed his clothes before removing all of mine. He didn't believe that sex should be rushed he always wanted to draw it on and make it a relaxing pleasurable experience for both of us. But truth be told this time I just wanted him inside me already. His hand was shaking as he started rubbing my chest and i could tell that he was trying his hardest to not attack me. After a few minutes I gently grabbed him and yanked him down taking one of his nipples in my teeth. He moaned out in surprise as I let my mouth explore both of them before blowing cool air across the dampened flesh.

“Ughh fuckk ... so good.”

“I need you ... I need you now.”

He grabbed for some lube and soon his fingers were spreading me wide. It had been so long that I was feeling a good amount of discomfort just from his fingers and he could tell. He gently put his free hand on my chest and I grabbed it.

“You ok?”

“Yeah ... I’ll be ok. Just take it easy.”

“Of course baby ... are you ready?” I nodded and he gently started inserting himself inside me. It hurt but it felt AMAZING. Before I knew it he was all the way in and I was feeling a decent amount of pain. He let me get used to the fullness again and then started very slow loving strokes. God it was amazing ... it had been WAY too long. We both came and I snuggled up on Adam’s chest completely satisfied and at peace. “Was that good baby?”

“More than good Addy ... it was everything. I love you so much, thank you.

“And I love you as well my perfect husband. You rest ok and I’ll be right here with you.”  

I listened to the sound of his heartbeat and I gently took his hand in mine. We just stayed there enjoying being close on the best day of our lives.


	5. Meeting Becca

** Adam **

My fingers hovered over the keys of my laptop as Sauli stood behind me with his head on my shoulder. “Are you sure you want to tell them this way?”

“Yeah I’d rather them find out about us getting married when we're over 5000 miles away then face to face. Let them have time to get used to the idea before we get home.”

“Alright … well here goes nothing.”

I opened up Facebook and posted a picture of us at the chapel showing the wedding bands on our fingers and the link to the video of the ceremony. I sat there nervously wondering how long it would take for us to either a crazy comment from his mom or sisters or the worse option, a ranting phone call. Almost instantaneously we got TONS of congrats messages mostly from my friends and family but there were a few from Sauli’s friends. About 15 minutes later Sauli’s phone started to ring. He saw on the caller id that it was Sara, his twin sister, so he put it on speakerphone.

_“Hello ...”_

_“Mom is very upset. That was a pretty shitty way to announce that you're married Sauli.”_

_“I didn't want a big extravaganza like she was planning. We just wanted it to be about us and that's what it was ... I didn't mean to hurt her.”_

_“Well you did. You should've told her that you didn't want a big wedding.”_

_“Sara you don't understand ... all that would've done was caused a HUGE fight. I don't need that right now. We both don't need that right now. I never asked her to get involved in planning ... she took it upon herself to do that.”_

_“Of course she's going to want to ... you're her only son. She wanted to feel a part of everything.”_

_“I'm sorry for that but what she had in mind isn't us ... we're not that kind of couple. You know that Sara … you can’t deny that. I didn't want to hurt her feelings and make her feel bad and I love her so much ... we both do. She can still throw us a reception ... if she still wants to but just a small one. Not some fancy shindig with designer napkins ok?”_

_“Alright I’ll tell her ... congrats to the both of you though I am so happy you found each other again. I love you baby brother.”_

_“I love you too Sara.”_

He hung up the phone and slowly put it down on the table.

“That didn't go quite as bad as I expected it to. I just hope my mom doesn't hold a grudge she's even more stubborn than I am sometimes.”

“Hey at least you know where you get it from.” He playfully punched me in the arm in retaliation and I grabbed him putting him across my knee playfully smacking his ass to "punish" him. He wiggled a bit as I slapped him and I let him up pulling him against me.

“I still can't believe we're actually married baby ... yesterday was the best day of my life so far. Our paperwork will be ready we'll have to go to the courthouse to pick it up later. What do you want to do today until then?”

“I don't know ... I just want to be with you.”

“Well come here then.” I laid down on the bed and opened my arms. He happily rushed over and snuggled up on me. I loved nothing more than just lying in bed together … it made me so happy. I ran my hands thru his unruly curls and he just looked up at me with a smile on his sweet face. I thought I would melt. His phone started ringing again but he didn’t feel like walking across the room to get it so he just let it go to voicemail. Not even a minute later my phone started ringing on the nightstand. I looked and saw that it was Katri. I smiled and put it on speakerphone. Before I even said anything she blurted out in excitement.

_“I can’t believe you got married!!! Oh my god I’m SO happy for you both.”_

_“Thanks sweetheart. It feels amazing that’s for sure.”_

_“Where’s Sauli I tried calling him?”_

_“I’m here Katri, Adam has it on speakerphone. My phone was on the other side of the room and I didn’t feel like getting out from under the covers.”_

_“Hey baby boy … congrats. Oh I can’t wait to give you both kisses when you get back. How’s the weather?”_

_“Gorgeous … sunny and 83.”_

_“So jealous, I’d kill for that weather right now. We just got another snowstorm last night … 8 inches. I’ll let you both go so you can enjoy your time together. I just wanted to call and say congrats. Love you.”_

_“Love you too.”_

_“Love you too.”_

I hung up the phone and kissed my perfect husband’s lips tenderly before sitting up bringing him up with me.

“Come on baby … we should head over to the courthouse. Then we can head back to LA tonight.”

Sauli pouted and hesitantly got up to get ready. About 2 hours later we left and I drove the 15 minutes to the courthouse. We walked inside and of course they weren't ready yet. We were directed to wait in a small waiting area adjacent to the clerk area. It was empty other than a lady who was being helped by one of the clerks and an adorable little girl who was playfully bounding around at her feet. She had beautiful ringlet curls and the stunning emerald eyes ... such a doll. She saw us and walked over the 15 feet or so stopping in front of us with a smile.

“Hi!”

“Hi sweetheart ... what's your name?”

“Rebecca ... but you can call me Becca. What’s yours?” Boy was she precocious … so cute. 

“Adam ... and this here is Sauli.”

“Sowlee ... I never heard that name before. I like it ... it’s pretty.”

Sauli let out a chuckle and shook her hand. “Well thank you Becca. How old are you?”

“I just turned 4! I hoped they would throw a party for me but they didn't.” I immediately felt sorry for this precious little girl. No child deserved to not have at least a little party to celebrate their birthday. She noticed the sad look on my face and gently patted my arm. “It's ok ... there are a lot of other kids there. It would be a lot to celebrate for everyone.”

“You have a lot of siblings?”

“No ... they're just other kids there with me. Some of them are really mean though, I don't like them much. Ms. Donna said that maybe I’ll be able to get a real family soon. I would love to have a sister or brother.” Her little eyes lit up when she talked about the possibility of having a ‘real’ family. It was then I realized that she must be in a group home. Before we could talk anymore the lady finished up what she was doing and looked at her side where Becca was a few minutes before. She panicked for a moment but then saw her and rushed over.

“I’m so sorry that she bothered you. This one keeps me on my toes. Becca what did I tell you about wandering off?”

“Oh no ... she's no trouble at all. We both loved talking with her.”

“Well Becca we have to leave. Say goodbye to these nice men.”

“Ms. Donna can they come back with us to play? Oh please can they?!?” She begged jumping up and down in excitement. The woman looked at us and smiled handing us a business card.

“I run the group home downtown. We have volunteers that come in on the weekends to spend time with the kids. You’re welcome to stop in later once you're done here.”

“Please Adam?!? Please Sowlee?!?”

“Of course Becca ... we'll see you later.”

The smile that spread across her little cheeks was enough to make our hearts melt. She ran over and threw her arms around Sauli’s legs and he gently patted her back. She then walked over and did the same to me before skipping out the door with Donna. About 10 minutes later a clerk called us back over. Turns out there was an internal problem processing the licensing we needed for our marriage to be recognized back in Finland. It wouldn't be ready for another 3 days. It was frustrating because I was still paying for the hotel room back in LA this whole time and I certainly didn't want to drive back to LA only to have to head back out here all over again. We left the courthouse and Sauli smiled at me.

“Are we going over to the group home now?”

“You saw her face Sauli ... how could we not?”

It took a little while but we finally found the group home and walked inside. We had to fill out visitor forms and wear badges but then we were escorted into the room with the kids. Becca saw us and came tearing across the room giving us HUGE hugs.

“I knew you would come, I just knew you would. Come on I’ll show you the toys!”

We spent the whole day with the kids but mostly just with Becca. It was bedtime so we helped get some of the kids settled and Becca asked if we could read her a book. We scooped her up and she sat with us while we read goodnight moon. Just as we finished Donna walked into the room.

“Come on little one I’ll get you tucked in. Say goodnight to Adam and Sauli.”

“Goodnight.” She snuggled into both of our chests letting out a huge yawn before heading off with Donna. This little girl had stolen my heart and I could tell as I looked into Sauli’s eyes he felt the same. A few minutes later Donna returned and smiled at us.

“She sure is smitten with you both.”

“She is a great kid. I hope that she finds a family soon ... she deserves that.”

“I hope so too. She’s been here since she was 3 months old. A personality like that and every family that has come in to meet her leaves without her.” She let out a sigh sitting down where we were.

“How could they turn down that precious little girl? She’s a complete angel.” Sauli frowned shaking his head..

“See medical records can't be released on the adoption sites most people use. Then we obviously have to disclose all the information here before the adoption takes place. People don't want the responsibility of taking care of a sick child ... all the medical bills, all the prescriptions.”

My eyes widened with alarm. “Sick!?! What do you mean sick ... what's wrong with her? She seems perfect ...”

“As long as she gets her medication she's fine ... relatively speaking anyway. She's HIV positive, contracted it from her mother during childbirth. Doctors say they expect her to live a long life but of course there are the medical challenges that accompany the diagnosis as I’m sure the both of you know.”

I nodded and bit my lip in frustration. How could people say no to this beautiful child just because she had some medical needs? It just wasn't right!

“Donna do you adopt to...” Sauli quickly stopped speaking and I looked into his eyes immediately knowing how to finish his sentence. I clasped his hand and looked at Donna.

“Do you adopt to gay couples?”

“Of course ... are the both of you interested?!?”

I looked at Sauli and he smiled at me nodding at me with a tear running down his cheek.

“We don't live here though ... we just came here to visit with family in LA and get married. We live in Finland. I’m not sure if that would be a problem?”

“Short term definitely but not long term. It takes about 2 months for the paperwork to go thru. You’re allowed to basically "foster" her while the paperwork gets filed but she can't leave the country. You’d be able to take her to LA though. After the paperwork comes back you'll have to get her a passport and visa which could take an additional 4-6 weeks. After that you're free to go wherever as long as we have a valid phone number to contact you.”

I looked deep into Sauli’s eyes and clasped his hands.

“Do you want to do this? We’d have to stay here for at least 3 months.”

“Yes ... I want this so much. We’re going to be a family.”

My precious Sauli started crying tears of happiness and I felt my own tears pelting my cheeks. Donna took us back to get some preliminary paperwork started and go over her meds. We could come back the next day after noon to pick her up. Donna told us the first week she's with us is a trial period and to not say anything to her about the adoption. They do this to make sure the child is a good fit before committing anything. The child goes to your house being told that they're only there for a week in case it doesn't work out then they're not disappointed. You then have to bring them back for an assessment to make sure that they felt comfortable in their new environment as well. This requires you to leave them at the group home for 4 days before you can pick them back up again. I couldn't believe that we were going to have a family ... just like that. It wasn't exactly what we expected but how could we say no to this perfect little angel.


	6. Everything Will Work Out ... Promise

** Sauli **

We arrived at the group home at exactly 12:30pm and walked inside. Becca saw us and ran over.

“You're here today too!?! Can we go play?”

We smiled at her and Adam leaned down so that he was eye level with her. “What do you think about coming home with us for a week?”

“A whole week!?! Oh yes, oh yes please!!!!” The joy on her little face was something so precious to behold. She was SO excited.

“Come on then, let's go get your stuff.” I reached out for her hand and she gladly took it was we went to head back to retrieve the few belongings she had. As we reached the back door Donna walked over with her bag already packed.

“Come here Becca let me get a hug. I’m going to miss you.”

“I’ll miss you too Ms. Donna.” I grabbed her bag as she gave Donna a quick hug, and we headed back to the hotel. The night before we had gone shopping and bought her a bunch of clothes and 2 super soft stuffed animals to have now and shipping a whole mess of toys home to Finland to be there waiting. When we got to the hotel her little mouth dropped in amazement. “We get to stay HERE?!?”

“Uh huh and we're at the very top floor.” She looked me in the eyes her own huge with wonder.

“Wow!” We got up to the room and she saw all the stuff on the bed and gasped. “It's all mine?!?”

“Yep sweetheart it's all yours.” She threw her arms around me and then scooped up one of the stuffed animals snuggling it close.

“Thank you Sowlee ... thank you Adam.”

“You are so welcome Becca. How about we go get some ice cream?”

“Oh yes Adam ... I LOVE ice cream.”

We all laughed and together we walked downstairs to the little ice cream parlor. This little girl had us laughing for the whole week she was there. It was the last night before she’d be going back and she was being very quiet. Every night we would all curl up on the bed and Adam would read her a bedtime story before I got her all tucked in on the sofa bed.

“Becca ... do you want me to tell you a bedtime story?”

“Yes please.”

“There once was a princess named Rebecca. She lived in the highest room in the tallest tower of the castle. Everyone loved her and they would bring her lots of pretty things. She had the prettiest clothes and jewelry, and she even had a dog she named Fluffy. One day the king announced that there was going to be a huge party for the princess with dancing and lots of food. The princess was so excited. They even brought her a brand new dress. It was pink and she loved it. She hoped that her friend would come to her party but they lived far away from each other. The night of the party came and she couldn't see her friend anywhere so she was sad. They tried playing music for the princess but it didn't work. But then she heard a voice calling her name ... it was her friend. She had made it after all. Together they danced and the princess was happy again. The end ... alright it's time to tuck you in. Goodnight sweetheart.”

“Goodnight Adam ...”

She leaned up and kissed Adam's cheek for the first time ever and really snuggled in for the hug. I scooped her up and took her over to the couch. She laid down and I tucked her in.

“There you go snug like a bug in a rug.” She giggled a bit but then her face got serious and she looked at me with unblinking eyes.

“Sowlee ...”

“What sweetie?”

“Please don't make me go back there tomorrow. I want to stay with you and Adam.”

“Don't you worry ... everything is going to work out I promise.” I kissed her forehead and stood up as she settled back down again.

“I love you Sowlee. Tell Adam I love him too ok?”

“I will ... we love you too Becca. Goodnight princess.”

Hearing her say 'I love you' for the first time made my heart burst from happiness. We had definitely made the right decision opening our home and hearts to her. I walked back into the bedroom with a HUGE smile plastered on my face. Adam saw and cocked his head in confusion.

“What?”

“Addy ... she said I love you to both of us. She begged me not to make her go back tomorrow.”

“Awe ... I wish we didn't have to lie. I wish she didn't have to go back for the evaluation.”

“I know, it's awful. I just told her that everything would work out and left it at that. I think we should post a picture of us on Facebook ... get people used to the idea.”

“I was thinking the same...”

Adam pulled up a picture we took the day before on the Ferris wheel at Circus Circus. She was giggling and the both of us were just beaming at her. He sighed and posted it to Facebook with the caption _'This little girl stole our hearts so we made the decision to open our home to her. Everyone this is Rebecca or Becca for short. We’ll be staying in LA for the next 3-4 months while all the paperwork gets settled but we can't wait to bring her home!'_ It was 6:30am in Finland so I knew my family and friends wouldn't see it for a while but almost immediately there were comments from Adam’s. Everyone was SOO excited and was asking what size she was in for clothes to help make her feel at home. This little girl was going to be SUPER spoiled. In the morning I woke up to little taps on my arm. I sleepily opened my eyes and saw that it was Becca.

“What’s wrong princess?”

“I had a bad dream...” Her sniffles filled the room as she rubbed her eyes trying to stop them.

“You did? Come here …”

I reached down and pulled her up into bed with us. The noise woke Adam up and she snuggled up in between us and ended up falling fast asleep. Adam was just watching her sleep with the biggest smile on his face. We ended up falling back asleep and it was about 10:30am when the three of us finally woke up. Adam took Becca to go pick up breakfast for us and while they were gone I turned on my phone to check my messages. Mostly texts from friends asking what they could buy Becca but then I saw the missed calls. Two from Katri, a call from Sara ... and 2 missed calls from my mom. While I sat there staring at the phone it started to ring and I realized that it was my mom calling again.

_“Hello.”_

_“Sauli … a grandbaby?”_

I paused a moment trying to figure out how she felt about the situation but I couldn’t read her. “ _Yeah, isn’t she beautiful?”_

_“She sure is … I can’t believe it. You’re a dad, my baby boy is a dad. I’m sorry that I was upset with you and that I got carried away with the wedding. I should’ve known that wasn’t either of your styles. I’m so sorry Sauli …”_

_“No mom I’m the one who’s sorry. I should’ve come to you and talked to you about it before we got married.”_

_“No what you both did was beautiful … it was you. You both look so happy in the video. You’re made for each other. Now you have that beautiful little girl.”_

_“I know, we’re so blessed. We couldn’t say no to her, couldn’t bear to see her in that group home. She’s been there since she was a little baby, nobody wants her.”_

_“What … why?!?”_

_“She’s HIV positive. As long as she’s on her meds she’s ok and since she’s been on meds since she was a baby the chances of her transmitting it are only 10%. People just don’t want the medical bills and care required. The personality on this one though … she’s such a doll. I can’t wait until you get to meet her. You’re going to love her.”_

_“I can’t wait either my beautiful boy. Where’s Adam?”_

_“Downstairs, he took her with him to pick up breakfast for us._

_“How is he with her?”_

_“Amazing … he’s a natural and she LOVES him. She had a bad dream this morning and came into our bedroom so I pulled her up in bed with us. She fell back asleep cuddled between us and he just was staring at her with this awestruck look. He’s completely smitten. She’s been upset since last night though. She needs to go back to the group home this afternoon for 4 days for evaluations. She’s been here a week and she was begging me last night not to make her go back. See she doesn’t know we’re going to adopt her they told us not to say anything until after these evaluations.”_

_“Do you want me to start work on her bedroom at your house? I can call up Katri and we could both get it ready for when she gets here.”_

_“That would be awesome! She loves princesses and anything pink … total girly girl.”_

_“I’d love to do that for you … for my beautiful granddaughter.”_

_“I’d love that too.”_

Just then Adam and Becca walked into the room and Becca ran over jumping on me. I let out an ‘ _ooofff_ ’ noise and started giggling.

 _“What happened?”_ He voice sounded a bit worried but I just chuckled and I could hear her let out a sigh.

_“Becca and Adam just got back, she jumped on me.”_

At the sound of her name Becca gave me her full attention her eyes wide with curiosity.

“Sowlee … who is that?”

“It’s my mom, would you like to say hi?”

“Oh yes please!”

_“Mom I’m putting you on speakerphone ok?”_

_“Ok.”_

I turned the phone on speakerphone and held it out toward Becca.

_“Hi Sowlee’s mommy!”_

_“Hi Becca. I hear you like princesses?”_

_“Oh yes! Adam and Sowlee bought me a princess tiara yesterday it’s pink. That’s my favorite color. What’s your favorite color?”_

_“My favorite color is purple.”_

_“Oh! Just like grapes! I like purple too but not as much as pink. Adam bought me a bagel for breakfast.”_

_“He did? Do you like Adam?”_

_“Oh yes I love him. I love Sowlee too.”_

I smiled at her as Adam handed her the bagel he had just finished cutting up.

_“Mom we’re going to let you go so we can eat before it gets cold. I’ll talk to you in a couple days ok? I love you.”_

_“Ok. I love all of you. Adam you take care of Becca and my Sauli ok?”_

_“Always mom.”_

I hung up the phone and after we finished eating I hesitantly packed up Becca’s bag. When she saw she started crying and buried herself into Adam’s chest.

“Please don’t make me go back Adam … please let me stay.”

“Becca … it’s ok everything is going to be ok. I promise you that. Shh it’s ok …”

Adam just looked at me sadly as she sobbed, her little face pressed against his chest. The whole ride back to the group home Becca cried. When we got there I walked over and took her from her booster seat. Adam couldn’t bear to see her like this anymore so I took her in myself. I held her in my arms with her little arms wrapped tightly around my neck and her head buried against it. When Donna saw the way she was acting she smiled … it was a good sign that she wanted to be with us this badly. 

“Hi Becca. I’m so happy to see you!”

“Hi … Ms. Donna.” The tears were just streaming down her face and it was breaking my heart in a million pieces.  

“Adam and I have to go now ok? We’ll see you on Saturday, I promise.”

I knelt down letting her go and she responded by wrapping her arms around my neck not wanting to let go.

“I love you Sowlee.”

“And I love you. Go with Ms. Donna ok.”

She nodded and sadly walked over taking Donna’s hand. I took one last look at them waving and left. I couldn’t bear to see her that upset.


	7. My Perfect Angel

** Adam **

The 4 days we were without Becca passed super slow. I found myself more snippy than usual and Sauli was mopey. All he had to do was look at me wrong and I would snap at him so he pretty much left me alone the whole time. It was Saturday morning and the night before I really snapped at him, so he was sleeping on the sofa bed in the other room. I felt awful he didn’t deserve it. I had gotten drunk and wanted to have sex with him but he declined saying he didn’t feel like it. So I had said some things that I didn’t even remember. All I know is Sauli had gotten REALLY upset and left the room immediately. I got up and walked into the living room but he was nowhere to be seen and the couch was all folded up and neat. I grabbed my cell phone and dialed his number. After a few rings he answered sounding absolutely exhausted and sad.

_“Hello?”_

_“Hi … where are you?”_

_“I went for a walk I had too much on my mind. Then I decided to stop for coffee.”_

_“Do you want me to come pick you up so you don’t have to walk back? I’m sure you’re in pain from walking.”_

_“No … you don’t have to.”_

_“I may not have to, but I want to.”_

He told me where he was and I drove the 10 minutes to the coffee shop. I walked inside and saw Sauli curled up in a dark corner booth. I walked over and gently caressed his face with my hand. He didn’t look at me but he also didn’t brush my hand away.

“I’m sorry … you don’t deserve the way I’ve treated you these past 4 days.” I sat next to him but he continued staring at his coffee cup absentmindedly. He was starting to worry me. “Sauli … what’s wrong? Please tell me …”

“Did we make the right choice? Our relationship is far from perfect Adam … is it right to bring a child into this? You really hurt me last night.” His voice was barely audible as he brought the cup back to his lips and took a long sip.

“I was drunk. I know that’s not an excuse but I don’t even remember what I said.”

His head flew up and he looked me dead in my eyes. It was then I realized how red and puffy they were from crying. “You said you wish I would’ve died … that you could do better.”

“Oh my god … I’m so sorry. I would NEVER mean that in a million years baby.” I started sobbing not caring that there were people around that could hear me. Sauli could see how devastated I was and gently rubbed my cheek. I gently kissed both of his eyes and smoothed back his hair. “My perfect angel … I don’t know how I could say anything like that. Baby you are my … everything you know that. I could never do better than you because there is no one better than you. I’m so sorry I upset you, that I’ve been such a grouch all week. You didn’t deserve that of all people you didn’t deserve that.”

“I know … I’m sorry I’ve been moody too. I just feel awful knowing that she’s stuck in that place not knowing that we’re going to take her away forever. That we have to lie to her.”

“I know but at least we can go get her in a few hours. Come on let’s get you back to the hotel. I need to show you how sorry I am.”

“Addy you don’t have to do anything.”

“I know, but I want you to feel as special as you make me feel. Please let me do that?”

He nodded and grabbed his coffee cup before heading out the door behind me. When we got back to the hotel I tossed my jacket on the arm of the couch and walked over to Sauli kissing his forehead.

“Go wait for me on the bed … I’m be there in a little bit ok? I just have to go do something first.”

“Ok …”

I could tell he tensed up for some reason as he left the room but I didn’t know why. I went downstairs and bought a bottle of Sauli’s favorite lotion that I used to get him ALL the time. He always fought me when I would go to buy it because it was $45 a bottle, but I always wanted to pamper him. After I paid I headed up to the room and found Sauli scrunched up tensed on the bed fully dressed.

“What’s wrong!?!”

“I don’t … want sex. I can’t Adam … I just can’t. It hurts too badly.”

My heart broke as I gently caressed his cheek. My poor baby.

“Did I not prep you enough?”

“No it’s not that … it sent the nerves on my right side on fire. They have been super tender and painful for days now. It’s nothing you did, it’s just me.”

“Then we don’t have to until you’re ready. That wasn’t what I wanted to do anyway.”

“It’s not?”

“No baby … something much better than sex, I promise you. Get undressed ok?”

He immediately relaxed as he slid off his shirt and jeans. I pulled out the bottle of lotion and squirted a decent amount into my hands as I gave him a deep tissue massage from head to toe. The smell completely relaxed him like it had years before and he ended up drifting off to sleep. I knew we had to go pick up Becca soon, so about an hour later I gently lifted him up cuddling him in my arms. He sleepily snuggled against my warm body, his head resting on my shoulder. I started to rub circles on his back as I lovingly sang to him. 

*When the stars are too cold. Frozen over the glow. On the edge of the night. We can be their light. So give me more than your touch. And give yourself to the rush. Just keep holding my hand. As we're taking off. I know where we'll land. We can escape to a higher plane. In nirvana stay. Where the dreamers lay. I'll lay you down, lay you down. Safe on a higher plane. In nirvana stay. Where the dreamers lay. I'll lay you down, lay you down. Through the dark there's a way. There's a love there's a place. Where we don't have to hide. We can dream all night. So follow me through the sky. And watch the oceans collide. Just keep holding my hand. As we're taking off. I know where we'll land. We can escape to a higher plane. In nirvana stay. Where the dreamers lay. I'll lay you down, lay you down. Safe on a higher plane. In nirvana stay. Where the dreamers lay. I'll lay you down, lay you down. Oh we don't need any diamonds or gold. Watch the mystic and cryptic unfold. As we fly high. We can escape to a higher plane. In nirvana stay. Where the dreamers lay. I'll lay you down, lay you down. Safe on a higher plane. In nirvana stay. Where the dreamers lay. I'll lay you down, lay you down. I'll lay you down, lay you down. I'll lay you down, lay you down*

A happy smile spread across Sauli’s face as he tenderly kissed my neck. “Nirvana, my favorite baby … thank you.”

“You were then and will always be my nirvana. Let’s get you warmed up ok? You stay put I don’t want my baby moving a muscle.” I gently laid him back down on the bed and picked up his clothes from the heap he had thrown them in. His skin was ice cold so I quickly put everything on him and gently laid down on top of him using my body heat to help speed the process. He looked up at me and giggled. “What baby?”

“You are perfect you know that don’t you? I love when you pamper me … it makes me feel like I’m the most important person in the world.”

“My baby is the most important person in MY world.”

He smiled again and nuzzled his head into my neck. About 10 minutes later he was all warmed up so we got up and decided to go get Becca. When we got there, Sauli grabbed my arm and smiled at me.

“It’s all going to change now … isn’t it?”

“It sure is … I’m so excited for this adventure. So excited to bring our beautiful daughter home.”

Together we walked into the building and saw that Donna was standing by the door. Upon seeing us she smiled.

“I’m glad you’re here everything came back. You’re free to take her to LA. We’ll be calling you 2x weekly and a local agency will be doing unannounced visits. We need the address of where you’ll be staying.” I reached into my pocket and pulled out my cell phone to retrieve the address for her. My friend Carmit was nice enough to allow us to use her house while she was out of the country. She had even gone to the hotel to get our belongings so we wouldn’t have to pay for 2 hotel rooms. I wrote it down and handed the paper over to her. She smiled and gently put her hand on my shoulder. “She’s been a mess all week, shut everything and everyone out. I was the only one who could get her to eat.”

“Where is she?” Sauli’s protective instinct was apparent already. She had him wrapped around her little finger.

“In the main room. When I was in there an hour ago she was in the back corner on a beanbag chair.”

We both started walking into the room and sure enough she was curled up in the back corner. She didn’t see us until we were about 5 feet away. When she did she started sobbing and lifted her arms for me to pick her up. When I did she wrapped both her arms and legs tightly around me.

“Hey … don’t cry princess.”

“I miss both of you so much.”

“We missed you too sweetheart … we’re here now it’s ok.” Sauli soothed rubbing her back trying to calm her. After a few minutes she finally settled down and I smiled at her.

“What do you think about staying with us forever?”

“Forever?!? You’re going to adopt me!?!”

“We sure are princess. You’re going home with us right now.”

“I’m going to have two dads … that’s soo cool!!”

The amount of joy on her face was heartbreakingly amazing. We took her bag and after saying goodbye to Donna, started our long drive to LA.


	8. Scared To Death

** Sauli **

The first month in LA consisted mostly of all of Adam’s friends and family coming in and out to spend time with Becca and shower her with gifts. She was so spoiled but so incredibly grateful for everything she received. Adam had set up a private twitter that he had to follow you before you could follow him. It was originally only the girls from the hotel that had access but slowly he added more people once they proved they weren’t hateful toward me. We even introduced Becca to them which of course caused an avalanche of gift to arrive. He had left for a week to help Tommy with a gig he was doing at a festival up north and was without cell service. Becca didn’t take it too well, she always thought she was going to be abandoned again if we left too long. Not being able to call him made it 100 times worse, she loved her daddy. It was the 3rd day he was gone and I was already exhausted, she sure kept me on my toes. After I got her tucked in I went downstairs to do 2 loads of wash and a sink load of dishes. After I finished I collapsed on the couch letting every muscle relax thinking how good one of Addy’s massages would be right about now. There was some movie on the TV but I found myself drifting off to sleep instead of watching it so after about an hour and a half I headed upstairs. When I walked past Becca’s room, I heard an almost pained whimper coming from inside. I walked over and saw her shaking slightly. I reached down and realized that she was burning up. I knew there was a thermometer in the bathroom so I retrieved it and found out her temperature was 104.2F. When I saw that I completely panicked. Suddenly she woke up and vomited EVERYWHERE. She started crying and I gently carried her to the bathroom to get her cleaned up. She kept vomiting into the toilet as she sobbed … I felt awful. She wouldn’t stop and I didn’t know what to do so I called Adam’s mom Leila. It was already 1am and I felt awful for having to wake her up but I panicked. It took quite a few rings but she finally answered sounding both half asleep and scared.

_“Sauli what’s wrong!?!”_

_“Becca is sick and I don’t know what to do. Adam is still upstate with Tommy.”_

_“What’s wrong with her?!?”_

_“She’s vomiting almost continuously and her temperature is 104.2F.”_

_“We’re going to need to take her to the ER. I’ll come get the both of you. I’ll be there in 10 minutes.”_

I hung up the phone and got Becca changed before finding a suitable bucket to bring into the car with us. When Leila got there I held Becca on my lap rubbing her back as she kept vomiting. They took her immediately into a room and started an IV with anti-nausea meds which made her scream. I couldn’t take her screams and had to walk out of the room until they were finished which only made her more upset. Her cries of ‘Papa’ broke my heart. They finally got her settled and she stopped vomiting. Then they gave her IV fluids. I sat next to her running my fingers through her hair and she finally fell fast asleep. Leila walked over and gently patted my shoulder.

“She’ll be ok Sauli. I know it’s tough seeing your child this sick. You just want to take it all away.”

“I just wish I could get in touch with Adam, he should know.”

“Do you want me to try? I could call the local police and have them find him?”

“No I don’t want to scare him like that unless I have to. If they are keeping her I will.”

We sat there for about 4 hours but then a doctor walked in. I immediately stood up waiting for him to tell me what was wrong with my baby girl.

“Are you her father?”

“Yes … what’s wrong with her?!?”

“She’s a very sick little girl. As you know any type of infection can be deadly due to her medical condition. We’re waiting for blood work to come back to determine exactly what infection she has but we’re starting her on a general antibiotic to try to get the ball moving.”

“My partner is about 6 hours away with no cell service. Do you think this is serious enough to get the police involved?”

“You might want to do that.”

He gently patted my shoulder and as soon as he left the room I immediately broke down sobbing. Leila walked over and put her arms around me trying to calm me down. When I pulled away I noticed she had tears in her eyes as well.

“Do you remember the name of the hotel they’re staying at? Maybe we can find a main number for the hotel?”

“I … I don’t know. Wait I think Tommy posted the name on his Facebook.”

I quickly opened up Tommy’s page and scrolled until I found the name. Another search brought up their phone number and I walked outside the room to make the call.

_“Thank you for calling Red Rock Inn this is Nicole how can I help you?”_

_“I need to get in touch with one of the people staying in your hotel. It’s an emergency and his phone isn’t working.”_

_“Yes it won’t work up here there is no cell reception. Our room phones only make internal calls. Can you tell me what room number they are in?”_

_“I … I don’t know. His name is Adam … Adam Lambert. He’s there with Tommy Joe Ratliff.”_

_“I’m sorry if you don’t have the room number I can’t connect you.”_

_“You don’t understand! His daughter is in the hospital and is very sick. I NEED to speak to him.” I broke down sobbing choking on my words. It was a total complete mess. She was quiet a moment before speaking up again._

_“Hold on … I’ll transfer you.”_

I could hear the phone ringing and after a few rings he answered sounding completely pissed.

_“I set up the alarm call for 7am NOT 5am!”_

_“Addy …”_ With that one word he could tell there was something SERIOUSLY wrong.

_“Sauli what’s wrong!?!”_

_“Becca is really sick. I’m so scared.”_

_“What … where are you?!? What’s wrong!?!”_ I could tell his brain was still half asleep so trying to comprehend everything was taking a bit extra time.

_“We’re at the hospital right now. They don’t know, she has some kind of bacterial infection but they don’t know what. It’s really bad she has 104.2 fever … and she was vomiting. I called your mom I didn’t know what else to do.”_

_“Baby I’ll get there just as soon as I can alright? I’ll take a flight out of San Francisco. Just calm down everything will be ok Sauli. I love you. Give Becca a kiss for me and tell her that Daddy loves her. Tell her I’ll be there just as soon as I can.”_

_“I will … I love you so much.”_

I hung up and walked back into the room trying to calm myself down. Adam worried about EVERYTHING but he always tried to calm me down if I ever got upset. He was most definitely my rock. Leila was sitting in the recliner dark circles under her eyes looking like she could pass out at any minute.

“Leila you can go home. You look like you’re going to drop. Adam Is going to get a flight out of San Fran he’ll be here soon enough.”

“No I’ll stay until Adam gets here. I want to be here for my grandbaby and of course my wonderful son-in-law. I just hope there’s a flight leaving soon and he can get a ticket on it.

Just then the doctor came back in the room with a large IV bag.

“We found out what’s wrong with her. She has a kidney infection. We’re going to put her on this for at least 48 hours and monitor her condition. The antibiotic is very strong and I’m hoping that she can tolerate it but the infection can be deadly if not treated quickly and aggressively.”

“Will she be ok!?!”

“The first 48 hours are critical especially with her condition but I do have hope that she’s going to make a full recovery. Prayers certainly wouldn’t hurt.”

“I … I just don’t understand … this happened so suddenly.” The tears started to come and I bit at my lip trying to stop them from falling. I didn’t need to cry in the presence of another stranger today. 

“It can do that. Had she been complaining of any abdominal pain, burning or increased urination … pressure?”

“No, no different from a month ago when we adopted her.”

“She probably had it before then even. Some kids have no symptoms until it gets to this stage and it seems like she’s going to be one of them. We might have you try to get her to drink cranberry juice daily or even make popsicles out of it. We’ll talk at a later date about that. Now this medication is going to make her very groggy and she’ll sleep more than she’ll be awake. That’s nothing to be concerned about. We’ll keep her on IV fluids to keep her hydrated. I don’t want her taking anything by mouth for at least 24 hours other than ice chips.”

The doctor hooked up the potent drug and left the room. I slumped back in the chair and fell asleep holding her fragile hand.


	9. Healing Thoughts

** Adam **

As soon as I hung up with Sauli I immediately called for a taxi and haphazardly threw all my belongings back in my suitcase. I left a note for Tommy at the front desk and headed to the airport. When I arrived I walked up to the nearest customer service counter.

“Hi how can I help you sir?”

“I need a flight to Los Angeles the sooner the better.”  

“Ok let’s see what I can do.” She fiddled around with the computer for a few minutes while I transferred from one foot back to the other again tapping them. She finally looked up at me. “The earliest flight is at 2pm I can book you a ticket if you like.”

“2pm!?! It’s 7am right now!”

“I know sir and I’m really sorry but all our flights from now till then are booked solid.”

“Isn’t there anything you can do? I’ll do anything I have to be there … I just have to get there.” By this point there were a few people behind me in line but I didn’t care as the tears splashed down my face. “I’m sorry, my 4 year old was rushed to the hospital and she’s not doing well. I’ll just get a rental car and drive I’ll make better time that way. Thanks for trying.”

I was about to walk off when the older gentleman behind me grabbed my arm looking at the clerk.

“I have a seat on the 8:15am flight. Is there any way to give this young man here my seat? I can wait until 2pm that’s not a problem.”

“Are you sure sir?” The clerk raised an eyebrow in disbelief as the man nodded again fiercely.

“Yes I’m not in any rush.” The clerk printed out new boarding passes for the both of us and after purchasing the man’s new flight for him I shook his hand. “Thank you so much sir.”

“Best wishes for your daughter’s speedy recovery. I’ll be praying for her.”

I walked over to the gate and sat down opening up twitter to send out a quick tweet.

_@adamlambert: Please send healing thoughts and prayers to Becca. She was rushed to the hospital this morning so I’m on my way back to LA to be with her and Sauli._

I quickly called Sauli but he had his phone off. Then I realized I had a text from him.

_'They found out it’s a kidney infection and started her on super strong antibiotics. They’re hoping her body can handle them. T_ _he first 48 hours are critical but the doctor has hope she’ll pull thru._

At least they figured out what was wrong with her … but god I wish I could be there with them. They needed me and here I was hours away. I pulled up the keyboard and set Sauli a quick text.

_'I have a 8:15 flight out of here. I’ll call you as soon as I land at LAX. Give our baby a kiss for me. I love you both <3'_

I sent it and broke out in sobs again. Why did this have to happen to this innocent little girl? Why couldn’t it have been me instead? I was sitting there for a moment when I felt someone tapping my arm. I looked up and saw a glambert standing there. I didn’t care that tears were streaming down my face, I didn’t care that I probably looked like I hadn’t slept. Truth be told I really wasn’t in the state of mind to be meeting fans. I was about to say such when she gave me a sad look and gently put her arms around me. I didn’t know this girl but it was exactly what I needed and I found myself hugging her back sobbing on her shoulder.

“I thought you could use someone to keep you company … I saw your tweet. I’m praying for her Adam … she’ll be ok I just know it.”

“You don’t know how much I needed a hug right now … thank you. You don’t know how much it means to me.”

“Anytime sweetheart … would you like company? I can sit here with you until your flight boards if you want so you’re not alone?

“I’d like that … I don’t really feel like talking though.”

“No, of course not that’s ok. I just wanna be here for you.”

I smiled at her and gently patted her shoulder as if to say thanks. We did have a little bit of small talk but not much. When they made the announcement for boarding I stood up and gave her a huge hug.

“Thank you for being here for me. You kept me sane. You’re on my private twitter right?”

“No, I’m not. The only reason I saw your tweet is that my friend is and she retweeted it.”

“Quick give me your screen name.” She reached into her purse and wrote down her screen name @bjspunkprincess. “As soon as everything is settled I’ll add you ok. Thanks again sweetheart …”

“Anytime Adam. Sending the little sweetpea all my love and light.”


	10. No Better No Worse

** Sauli **

I woke up because my neck had started to ache the way I was sleeping. Leila was curled up in the other chair sleeping so I quietly stood up and stretched before turning my phone on vibrate. It was then I saw that Adam texted me to let me know that he had gotten an early flight out. When I looked over at Becca she was stirring a little so I stood right at the bedside.

“Papa … where’s daddy?” Her little voice was so weak and ragged seeming at though to say a few words was enough to drain every last ounce of energy from her.

“He’s on his way here princess … he told me to tell you that he loves you so much.”

I gently ran my fingers thru his hair. Her forehead was still burning up.

“I’m … tired.”

“I know sweetheart … you sleep. I’ll be here with you, I’m not going anywhere. Daddy and I love you so much Becca.”

“I love … you.”

She looked at me as her eyelids slowly got heavier and she drifted back off to sleep. My phone started vibrating in my pocket so I walked out of the room to answer it.

_“Hello?”_

_“I’m in the taxi on the way to the house to drop off the luggage. Then I’m going to drive my car there. How is she?_

_“I’ll come outside to meet you in say 20 minutes then? She’s no better no worse … been sleeping a lot. She just woke up for a few minutes and was asking for you.”_

_“Yeah 20 minutes should be good. Love you …”_

_“I love you too.”_

I walked back in the room and sat around for a while until it was time to go wait for Adam. Luckily Leila had woken up in the meantime so she could be there for Becca. When I got there Adam was just walking up from the parking garage. I thought I would be able to hold it together but the second I saw him the tears started flowing and I ran over into his embrace. It was then I realized that he was sobbing as well.

“I should’ve never gone … I’m so stupid.”

“No … don’t blame yourself it’s not your fault. Are you hungry? The cafeteria is up here but the PICU is all the way in the back. If you want something we might as well stop and get it now.”

“Is Becca alone?”

“No your mom is in there with her.”

“I don’t know if I’m going to be able to eat anything. Are you hungry?”

“Maybe a little.” My stomach grumbled at the thought of getting to eat some food. To be honest I was more than just a little hungry but at the same time was so nauseous over everything.

“Alright come on let’s go grab something quick.”

We ran into the cafeteria and each grabbed a bagel to quickly scarf down. Not even 10 minutes later we were on our way to the PICU. When we got to the room and Adam saw her pale fragile body he broke down. Leila walked over and gave him a huge hug.

“Adam … she’ll be ok we just need to have a bit of faith and hope alright? Come on dry those eyes she doesn’t need to see her daddy upset.”

“Thank you for being here for her and for Sauli. I don’t know what I would do without you mom. I love you so much.”

“And I love you as well. I’m going to head home now so I can try to get some sleep now that you’re here. Call me if you find out anything more. I’ll be back in later tonight.”

She gave us each a hug and quietly left the room. Adam sat down in the lounger next to the bed and patted his lap. I walked over and snuggled into his arms placing my head over his heart.

“You sleep baby … you look exhausted.”

“You too Adam … we can both close our eyes.”

“I don’t think I’ll be able to.”

“Trust me … you will.”

I softly hummed in his ear running my fingers soothingly thru his hair and in 5 minutes he was out cold.


	11. A True Friend

** Adam **

I woke up to an official from the local adoption agency walking into the room. Sauli was still in a deep sleep snuggled in my arms so I tried to stay as quiet as possible. The man adjusted the clipboard he had in his hands and peered down at it before speaking.

“Are you Adam Lambert?”

“Yes … how may I help you?”

“They sent me here to check on your daughter. When a child gets an infection this bad I have to come check suspected cases of child neglect.”

“Child neglect?!?” I immediately stiffened up startling Sauli who sleepily opened his eyes.

“Yes … the state takes cases like this very seriously. In the state’s eyes she should’ve been taken to the doctor weeks ago.”

“She wasn’t sick … she wasn’t complaining about anything.” I protested stammering a bit over my words. How could they insinuate that we would do this to her on purpose?!?

“I know Adam … that’s why I came in to see her and speak to the doctor. I’m on your side. Don’t worry I’m going to take care of everything for you. I’m going to go speak to her doctor now I just wanted to put you in the loop.”

The man walked away and Sauli looked up at me.

“The state wants to take her away!?!”

“Don’t worry baby … he’ll take care of it for us. Did you have a good nap?”

“I guess … did you?”

“Yeah, I feel loads better. “

Sauli stood up and stretched his body stiffened from being curled up on me. We hear a noise coming from the bed and I walked over to it. Becca looked up at me and gave me a weak smile.

“Daddy …”

“I’m here princess.”

I gently ran my fingers thru her hair as she stared up at me with un-breaking eyes.

“I … love you.”

“And I love you …”

“Where’s … papa?”

“He’s right here.”  

Sauli was standing at the head of the bed so she couldn’t see him from the angle she was at. He walked over to her other side and she was actually able to stay awake for about 30 minutes talking with us a little. It seemed as though she was starting to get better and that was THE best feeling in the world. About 5:30pm Tommy came walking into the room. I was totally surprised to see him … he was still supposed to be at the festival. I immediately started tearing up and walked over and he pulled me into a huge hug. He then walked over and hugged Sauli.

“What … how are you here?”

“Both of your friendships mean more to me than a stupid gig. I thought that you could use some support. How is she doing?”

“A little better it seems but the next day and ½ is critical. The drug they have her on is very strong they’re just hoping that her body can handle it. The state sent a worker here to investigate possible child abuse.”

“Child Abuse?!?”

“Yeah they said we should’ve taken her to the doctors before this.” Sauli muttered annoyed with the whole situation.

“But she wasn’t sick …”

“Exactly. The official was going to talk to the doctor. He’s on our side he doesn’t believe that she should be taken away either.”

Tommy just shook his head and walked over to the bed leaning down to kiss Becca’s forehead. She looked up at him and he smiled at her.

“Hi Becca …”

“Uncle … Tommy.”

She reached over and grabbed his hand and Tommy just held her hand as she drifted back to sleep. It was too cute to not take a picture so I quick snapped one with my phone. Tommy looked over at me and smirked.

“Let me guess … that’s going on twitter.”

“It doesn’t have to if you don’t want.”

“Nah it’s cool … I’m not ashamed of loving on my niece.”

I opened up twitter and tweeted out the photo there was no way that I couldn’t.

_@adamlambert: @tommyjoeratliff with Becca in the hospital. She woke up as soon as he went over and made sure she said hello to Uncle Tommy before she fell asleep again. She loves him soo much._

_@adamlambert: He left the festival to be here for the 3 of us. That’s a TRUE friend right there! Love you bro @tommyjoeratliff_


	12. Sexual Tension

** Sauli **

We were finally on a flight home to Finland with our beautiful daughter. It had been one hell of a 4 months. Becca made a full recovery and the state came to the conclusion that there was DEFINITELY no child neglect involved. She was excited to go to another country but was SUPER sad to be leaving her Uncle Tommy and Nana … among everyone else. They promised that they would visit but that certainly wasn’t as awesome to her as being able to head out to see them anytime she wanted. She was sitting in between us on the plane with her precious little head resting on Adam’s arm. The plane was starting its descent and I looked over at Adam and smiled at him. Once the plane landed Adam gently picked Becca up and carried her off the plane. My mom was waiting for us and she ran over to say hello.

“Sauli!! Oh it’s so good to see you. Hi Adam … oh is the princess sleeping?”

“Hi mom … yeah she’s been out about 2 hours now.” Adam whispered Becca still zonked out on his shoulder.

“Did she get a checkup at the doctor before you left?”

“Yes … everything is ok. We just need to take her to a doctor once a month for checkups here and luckily she loves cranberry juice.”

“Katri and I finished her room I think she’s going to LOVE it. Let me help you with your luggage.”

We managed to get everything situated in the car and got Becca in her booster seat. Adam sat next to her to support her slumped head with his arm and soon enough we were at the house. She had started to stir a bit once Adam got out of the car. She looked around at her surroundings confused for a moment because we weren’t in sight.

“Papa?!?”

I walked toward the backseat from behind the car and as soon as she saw me she calmed down.

“Oh you’re awake. Did you have a nice nap?”

“Uhh huh … where are we?” She mumbled sleepily rubbing her eyes.

“Home … this is Finland.” I reached in and unbuckled her from the seat and she made her way out of the car. My mom had been inside the house carrying stuff in and walked outside to see her standing there. I smiled and bent down to Becca’s level. “That’s your Grammy … that’s who you talked to on the phone. Can you go say hi to her?”

Becca ran over and threw her arms around my mom’s legs. As long as I told her it was ok to go to someone she had no problems. She knew no stranger.

“Hi Grammy!”

“Hi Becca it’s so nice to finally meet you. Come inside with me I made your bedroom real pretty for you.”

Her little eyes got huge and she started jumping in excitement before quickly following my mom inside. We followed suit and realized that Katri was in the kitchen. She didn’t realize that Becca was in the house yet since she had practically yanked my mom up the stairs to where she was told her room was. Katri saw me walk in and ran over with her arms outstretched.

“Sauli!!!”

She wrapped her arms around me and kissed my cheeks.

“Oh it’s soo good to see you. Where’s Adam and the little princess?”

“Adam is outside getting the last of the bags. My mom took Becca upstairs to see her room. Becca practically yanked my mom up there.”

Adam walked in with the luggage and upon seeing Katri went running over throwing his arms around her.

“Katri! I missed you.”

“I missed you too Adam … oh I’m so happy to have my two besties home again. Plus now I have my little girlfriend to spoil. I can’t wait to meet her.”

We could hear happy squeals coming from upstairs and then exuberant little footsteps on the stairs.

“Oh Daddy, Papa come see my room it’s SOO pretty.”

I could see Katri staring at her with an awestruck look on her face but Becca was too intent on showing us her room to notice that someone new was there for her to meet. We both followed Becca upstairs and smiled when we got to the room. It was a little girls paradise yet not too childish that it wouldn’t grow with her. She had a loft bed with a tea party room underneath, a small couch against the wall, a huge plush rug in the center of the floor, a chalkboard area for her to draw on, and a closet packed FULL of clothes.

“Wow did you thank Grammy?”

“Yes papa.”

“Come downstairs with us someone is here to meet you. You’ll have to thank her too because she helped with your room.”

“Oh I will … it’s perfect.” She started climbing up me like a tree so I laughed and boosted her up into my arms. When we reached the bottom Katri was standing there waiting.

“Becca, this is my friend Katri.”

“Hi Becca it’s go good to finally meet you princess.”

“It’s good to meet you too! Thank you so much for helping with my room. I love it.”

She reached out her arms for Katri to take her and she did gladly as Becca wrapped her arms and legs around her. My mom had to leave because she had a party she had to go to. Katri and Becca decided to go on an adventure together outback and I collapsed on the couch out of pure exhaustion. Adam walked over and sat on my lap kissing my lips.

“Seems like forever since I’ve kissed you.” I murmured sadly caressing his cheek.

“Baby I kiss you all the time, when we wake up … when we go to bed.”

“No … you know what I mean. I miss being lovey Addy.”

I gently ran my fingers underneath the hem of his shirt brushing them across the bare flesh of his stomach.

“We can still be lovely baby. Tell you what, once we get everything unpacked I’ll lay you down and give you a good full body massage. One like I used to give you for your blood flow therapy. With maybe something a little extra if you’re good …”

He trailed off and just smirked at me giving me one of his ‘bad boy’ looks.

“You are such a fucking tease Adam Mitchel Lambert.”

“Oh you haven’t seen anything Sauli Eerik Koskinen … just you wait baby.”

We started unpacking everything and it was about 1 hour and ½ later when Katri brought Becca back. She ran right over to Adam who was sitting on the couch and jumped on his lap.

“Can Katri have a sleepover in my new room with me?!?”

“I don’t see why not if Katri wants to.”

Katri had gotten to the point where she could read the both of us like a book and she could tell we desperately needed some alone time.

“Becca how about you come to my house for the night? You can even play with my puppy.”

“You have a puppy!?!” She jumped up and down in excitement spinning around in circles.

“I sure do … his name is Maximus.”

“Papa … Daddy is that ok? Can I, can I please?!?” She begged giving us the stare down … it was super cute.

“Of course … we just have to get a bag packed for you.”

“Oh I can do that! Come on Katri you can help me!”

“You go up to your room I’ll be right there ok?” Becca smiled and darted up the stairs. Katri walked over and gently pulled us both into a hug. “I can tell you both need some alone time. You can cut the sexual tension with a knife.”

“It’s that obvious?” Adam’s face turned 5 shades of pink which made Katri chuckle.

“Babe it’s like you’re both carrying around a huge neon blinking arrow that says ‘ _Attention I’m horny.’_ ”

We all started laughing and I playfully kissed Katri’s cheek.

“Well thank you … that means a lot to us. You just need to make sure that she takes her meds tonight before bed and tomorrow with breakfast & lunch. They’re in a labeled container.”

“Any specific time you need her back here tomorrow?”

“My mom invited all the family over for dinner so say no later than 4pm. You’re welcome to stay to eat then if you want.”

“Sounds good. Does she have pajamas?”

“Yeah I’ll head up there with you and help get everything situated.”

They both disappeared leaving me alone curled up on the couch. About 15 minutes later they all came down and Katri was carrying a backpack full of Becca’s stuff. Becca walked over and gave me a hug and kiss.

“I love you papa. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“I love you too. Be good for Katri ok?”

She nodded and then grabbed Katri’s hand before they both disappeared out the door. The shadows of her headlights bounced on the walls as she backed up and soon they were gone. Adam stood in front of me and I just growled at him.

“Hey not yet … the stuff isn’t unpacked yet.”

“But baby … that can wait.” I purred at him slowly backing him up against the wall where I attacked his lips with hunger and fierceness. Adam should’ve been used to my feistiness by now but it always took him by surprise. I was kissing him with such intensity that he could barely get any air. Finally he gently pushed me away and took a few big gulps.

“Damn baby … so hot.”

“I want to try … to have sex.”

He looked at me with surprised eyes and gently smoothed back my hair. “Are you sure?”

“Yes … we might have to stop but I trust you baby.”

Adam didn’t say another word he scooped me up and carried me up the stairs before lowering me onto our king sized bed. He got undressed and stood there for a moment pondering something.

“What baby?”

“You could just lay there and I could ride you …” My mouth dropped … he had NEVER suggested that before.

“You sure?”

“Yeah … one of my fantasies.” He blushed and avoided my gaze. I smirked and gently lifted up his chin.  

“Well then … come here.”

I yanked him down on top of me and started kissing him again. He was slowly grinding on me his hard on pressed up against the jean fabric on my thigh. He sat on my hips and slowly slid off my t-shirt before peppering my chest with kisses and soft nibbles. He felt my cock growing underneath him and smirked before mouthing at it thru the jean fabric.

“Oh … god … ADDY! So fucking … oh my god!”

“What … you like?” He giggled and slid down my jeans before doing the same thing thru my underwear. The thinner fabric caused me to be in complete nirvana and I couldn’t help but vocalize my pleasure.

“Uh god …. Errrfuckkk yesss.”

“That’s right baby, talk for me.” He cooed sliding his hands underneath my ass removing my underwear. He just stared at my body for a moment with a smile on his face. “So perfect baby … and so fucking mine.”

He reached over to the nightstand and grabbed the lube before handing it to me. He got into 69 position so that I could stretch him. I thought that was all he was going to do, but as I inserted my fingers he took my throbbing cock in his mouth taking me all the way in. My fingers sunk deep inside him which caused waves of moans to vibrate against it … I thought I was going to DIE. After about 5 minutes he sat up and tenderly rubbed my cheek.

“You ready?”

“So ready baby …”

He leaned down giving me a tender kiss on the lips before moving back down and slowly sliding down on my rock hard cock. God it was amazing to watch him stretch himself open like that. The moans that left his mouth, the pleasurable pain glazed in his eyes. It felt AMAZING for me and I could tell he loved it as well. It had been so long that it didn’t take long for either of us to cum. He spurted all over my chest and then slowly slid off of me collapsing on my chest leaving the stickiness between us. 

“That … was amazing.” He panted his heart still racing like a jackrabbit.

“You got … that right.”

I nuzzled up against his neck and actually drifted off to sleep. I woke up to warm water enveloping me and realized that Adam had carried me to the jacuzzi tub to get cleaned up. He looked over and realized that I was awake.

“Did I tire my baby out?”

“Not used to it I guess … I’m so sleepy.” I yawned snuggling against him sleepily.

“Well I’ll get you all cleaned up then we can go to sleep ok? The unpacking can wait till tomorrow.”

I sleepily nodded and Adam slid into the tub with me and cleaned me from head to toe. I ended up drifting back to sleep as he was cleaning me. It was so relaxing and the warm water made me feel like putty. The next thing I knew it was morning and I was snuggled on Adam’s chest with his arms wrapped around me. He looked precious with his hair in his face and his gentle snores creating a lullaby. It was already 12:30pm so I gently ran my fingers through his hair. Even though he was still asleep a smile formed on his face … god he was so perfect. I tenderly kissed his lips and after a few moments he opened his eyes.

“Good afternoon Addy.”

“What … time is it?”

“It’s 12:30pm … my baby sleepy?”

“Very …”

“You can sleep some more if you want. My mom will be here around 1:15pm but she has a key. I could stay up here with you and cuddle.”

“Cuddling sounds … perfect.”

I cuddled up on his chest putting my head over his heart. I felt so protected … so loved.


	13. Torn Away

** Adam **

I could hear Sauli’s mom walking upstairs and was suddenly thankful that I had taken the time to put sweats on the both of us before curling up in bed. Sauli was fast asleep snuggled on my chest when his mom walked into the open room.

“Oh hi Adam … Sauli sleeping?” She whispered careful to avoid waking him up. He looked too peaceful to be disturbed.

“Yeah … Katri took Becca for a sleepover so you can go in the kitchen whenever. Make yourself at home. Once Sauli wakes up I’d be happy to come help.”

“Oh no … you both stay up here and relax. You both deserve time to just be a couple. I’ll manage, Sara should be here very shortly anyway she’s supposed to help.”

She smiled at me before retreating out of the room quietly closing the door behind her. I gently ran my fingers down Sauli’s back soothingly to make sure that he stayed asleep for as long as possible. I loved nothing more than just watching him sleep. He always looked so innocent … so precious. I myself actually fell back asleep and when I woke up Sauli wasn’t in the room with me. I frowned and sat up listening for any sounds that would determine where he was. I realized the bedroom door was closed so I walked over and opened it. As soon as I did I could hear conversations and laughter coming from downstairs. I looked at the clock in the hallway to realize that it was already 4:30pm. I quickly got changed and made my way downstairs. Everyone was there all of Sauli’s sisters plus their families, his mom, his dad, and a couple of Sauli’s really close friends including Katri. Becca was having a blast playing with her cousins who were all around the same age as her. Sauli looked up and saw that I was awake and got up. He walked over and wrapped his arms around me.

“Why didn’t you wake me up?”

“You were sleeping so soundly, you didn’t even move a muscle when I got up. I couldn’t bear to wake you, you were exhausted.”

I walked around and gave hugs and kisses to everyone there. It was nice seeing everyone again and Becca got a TON of stuff. She was so sad when all her cousins finally had to leave it was fun for her to be with kids her age for a change. It was late so she got changed and we put her to bed. She loved the idea she had a loft bed and luckily there were high ceilings in the room so it wasn’t awkward for us to climb up as well. I leaned in and gave her a kiss before climbing back down. She looked over the edge at me.

“I love you daddy.”

“And I love you princess always. Goodnight we’ll see you in the morning.”

I walked back in our bedroom and saw the Sauli was lounging on the bed watching TV. I walked over and laid down on his chest playfully nibbling at his neck.

“How are you feeling?”

“I’m ok … not in as much pain as the last time.”

“But you are in pain?”

“Just a little …”

“Anything I can do to help?”

“Maybe …”

I walked over and closed the door locking it. Then I walked back over to the bed. I slid off Sauli’s jeans surprised to find out he wasn’t wearing underwear. I started at his waist and massaged him all the way from there down. Paying special attention to his inner thighs where he always had the most nerve pain.

“Better baby?”

“Much …”

I gently slid his sweats on and unlocked the bedroom door. Then I sat up on the bed pulling him on my lap so we could cuddle and watch TV. We were laying there for about 3 hours when Sauli’s phone blipped that he had a text. He reached over to read it and stared for a second in horror before throwing it down and running out of the room screaming ‘Becca’ over and over. I got scared especially when I read the text …

_'Sauli you might want to stop screwing in your bedroom and go check on your daughter. Kisses – Niko'_

How the hell was he out of jail?!? I ran into her room to find Sauli crying on her empty bed. She was gone … Niko had taken her.


	14. Come Alone

** Sauli **

We spent the next week trying to find her and getting more and more frantic. She had been without her medicine all week and she could die. Finally exactly one week later my phone rang and it was an unknown number. They started tracing the phone call the second I answered and put it on speakerphone.

_“Hello.”_

_“Hi Sauli.”_

_“Niko … please you have to bring her back. She’s really sick and needs her medicine. She can die without it. Please …”_

_“Meet me at the ice park in an hour just you and Adam … NOBODY else. So tell the police listening that if any of them come you won’t get her back.”_

With that he hung up. I looked over at Adam and grabbed his arm. Adam drove over to the ice park and we pulled up out front. At about 6:58pm I got another text from Niko.

_'Send Adam over to the front gate. It’s open, come in and walk straight. He’ll see us.'_

Adam looked over my shoulder to read it and went to get out of the car. I quickly grabbed his arm.

“Please be careful Adam …”

“I will … I love you Sauli.”

“And I love you … forever and always.”

After one last kiss, I watched him as he walked over toward the gate and he slowly disappeared out of sight.


	15. It's You For Her

** Adam **

The gate swung closed behind me and shut with a clatter that echoed throughout the empty ice park. Sure enough I saw Niko standing toward the back where the food stands were so I made my way over. I got there and didn’t see Becca anywhere.

“Where’s Becca?”

“She’s here … I need to talk to you first. It’s you for her ... that’s the deal.”

I nodded resigning myself to being held captive. “I’d do anything for her.”

“Then it’s settled …”

He reached in his pocket for his cell phone and texted someone. Not even a minute later some guy walked toward us dragging a petrified looking Becca by her arm. She saw me and took off toward me sobbing. I picked her up and held her close.

“Daddy’s here princess. You’re safe it’s ok. I love you Becca. I love you so much.”

“I love you Daddy.”

I put her down and gently wiped away her tears. “Becca you have to listen to me ok? See that gate over there? I want you to run as fast as you can out that gate. Papa is waiting for you out there. I want you to not stop running until you’re with him. Can you do that?”

“You come with?”

“I have to do something first ok? I’ll be there just as soon as I can.” I smoothed her hair back kissing and hugging her one last time before giving her a little nudge toward the gate. “Go princess … and don’t stop running until you’re with Papa no matter what.”

She took off and when she got to about the gate she turned back as the guys were grabbing me by my throat and yanking me backward. Her frightened screams of ‘ _Daddy_ ’ echoed and I just prayed that she wouldn’t run back toward me. I couldn’t see anymore because they had taken me out of sight laying me on the cold hard cement. I was about to say something when a shot rang out and I could feel warm liquid oozing out my side. I yelped in pain and Niko grabbed me by my throat slamming my head back on the ground. They both were kicking and punching me and I was so disoriented I couldn’t even fight back if I wanted to. I just laid there accepting my punishment knowing that at the very least my beautiful little girl was safe. All of a sudden at least a dozen cops appeared out of nowhere and it didn’t take long for them to have both Niko and the other guy surrounded. They pulled guns on the officers so they were forced to shoot and kill the both of them. They called for an ambulance and soon Sauli came running over. He looked at me tears streaming down his face.

“Where’s … Becca?”

“Katri took her back to the house … she followed us here.”

“I … love … you.”

“And I love you … you’ll be ok Addy they’ll fix you up in no time.” I just stared at him my vision growing hazier by the moment and before I knew it I blacked out. When I came to it felt like I couldn’t even open my eyes. It was as if they had 1000lb weight attached to them. I could hear multiple people crying. I could feel Sauli near my head and felt his lips kiss my forehead. He gently took my hand and just sat there rubbing it and talking to me. “I don’t care what the doctor’s say. You’re as much of a fighter as I am. You didn’t give up on me so I’ll be damned if I give up on you. I love you … we all love you. Katri is here with me too.”

“Yeah Adam … I’m right here. I love you bestie, I want you to get better. Becca misses her daddy so much.”

“She drew you a picture but I forgot it at home. She wants to come see you so bad but I don’t want to scare her. Just know she’s thinking about you.”

I could hear him start to get choked up again and I kept fighting trying to get my eyes to open. I wasn’t on a ventilator so I decided to try to get sounds out.

“Sss …. Ow … leee.” It was barely more than a puff of air but it was all I could manage. I could hear a sputtered gasp coming from where Sauli was and I felt him squeeze my hand.

“Katri did you just hear that?!?”

“He said your name!!”

“Baby say something else if you can …”

“Kaa … attt … reee.”

Sauli started crying tears of happiness even though my words were barely audible whispers. I could feel his hand on my cheek rubbing it and I was finally able to get my eyes to open. I let out a cry … I couldn’t see anything.

“Baby what’s wrong?!?”

I just let out choked cries because I couldn’t explain to him what was wrong. All that did was upset him and I could hear doctor’s running in the room. They said something about doing testing on everything and I could feel that they were doing testing with the eyes and they realized that my pupils weren’t reacting to the light.

“Adam can you see anything? Palm up for yes, palm down for no.”

I very slowly put my palm down with shaky movements as I let out another strangled wail. How could I really live if I couldn’t see?


	16. I Believe In You

** Sauli **

They had released Adam after about another month and we finally had him comfortable at home. He pretty much refused to leave the bedroom. The doctors said that the vision might come back eventually we just had to have hope and be patient. Becca didn’t totally understand and kept trying to show Adam drawings or things she found outside. He tried his hardest to keep it together around her but usually the second she left the room he would break down. He learned how to get to the bathroom from the bed by memorizing the steps between the two but if and when he left the room he wouldn’t take one step without me. I had just put Becca to bed and walked into the bedroom. Adam got a little smile on his face before I even got halfway there.

“Hi baby …”

“How did you know it was me?”

“Sounds … I can tell the difference in footsteps.”

I walked over and gently caressed his face. “My perfect angel … I love you so much baby.”

“I love you too … but I’m not perfect. You know that.”

“You’re perfect to me … and that’s what matters.”

“I can’t even … see you Sauli.” He started to cry and I immediately brought my fingers to his cheek gently caressing it.

“No … but you can feel.”

He was already shirtless so I gently slid off his sweatpants and started massaging him from head to toe. He just sighed in complete pleasure and relaxation.

“Feel good baby?”

“I … I don’t know how to describe it. It’s like the pleasure from sex without actually having sex. It’s so amazing.”

I finished and redressed him before gently laying on top of him.

“I love you Addy …”

“And I love you sunshine. Can you give me my phone? I want to tweet something.”

They had taught him braille in the hospital and he had picked it up super quickly. We had bought a braille keyboard plugin so that he could still tweet. I handed him the phone and it went to work typing out his message.

_@adamlambert: Yes the rumors are true I have lost my sight. They don’t know if it’s temporary or permanent. I’m not going to let it get me down though. It will only make me that much stronger <3_

I smiled at him and gently peppered his neck with kisses.

“You can do anything you set your mind to baby. I believe in you … just like you always believe in me.”


	17. You're Beautiful

** Adam **

It took the better part of 6 months but I finally came to grips of never regaining my sight and started venturing around the house and neighborhood with Sauli. I had gotten really good about maneuvering in the house but if I left I always made sure that Sauli was with me. He made me feel much more comfortable. One of Becca’s recent favorite activities was going out to a nearby park and laying on a grassy hill where she would describe everything she saw. If she saw flowers she would bring one over so that I could smell it and then describe what it looked like. She was such a great little helper and so super sweet. She was in Kindergarten and she LOVED school, she had so many friends. Tommy, Ashley, and my mom were coming to visit so Sauli had been busy straightening up the house and getting the guest rooms stocked with everything and ready. Becca was SO excited to see her Nana, Uncle Tommy, and Aunt Ashley again. I had stayed in bed because I was battling one of my massive headaches that I got every so often. When they happened I was forced to spend the day in the bedroom with the curtains drawn and the door shut. Anything they could do to keep any little bit of loud noise away. The door opened and shut and I could hear Sauli’s footsteps walking over to the side of the bed. He spoke in a barely there whisper as to not cause me too much discomfort. It seemed as though since losing my sight my hearing had been magnified by 100x.

“Baby … Katri got called into work so she can’t go to the airport to get everyone. Will you be ok while I’m gone if I go?”

“Yes … I’m fine.”

“I’ll be back within the hour. Then I’ll get some soup for you and come up here and take care of my poor baby. I’ve felt awful leaving you in here by yourself all day.”

“Baby it’s fine … you were busy. You spoil me too much … I love you.”

“Nope I could never spoil you enough Addy. I love you more. Need anything before I leave? How about a cold rag for your forehead?”

“That would be lovely baby.”

It didn’t take long for me to feel the cooling relief on my forehead. It still hurt like hell but at least it lessened the pain a wee bit.

“Thank you sunshine.”

I felt his lips kiss my cheek before he quietly left the room closing the door behind him. I must’ve dozed off because the next thing I heard was multiple sets of footsteps entering the room. Most of them stopped but Sauli’s continued until he got up to the head of the bed where he gently smoothed my hair back.

“Did the rag help?”

“Yes a little … who’s here?”

“Everyone … Tommy, Ashley, and your mom.”

“Mom …” A set of footsteps got closer and I felt her hand on my cheek. I immediately started crying and she put her arms around me making ‘shhh’ noises.

“Hi my beautiful boy … i’m so sorry I couldn’t come sooner. I love you Adam so very much. You’re so brave … so strong.”

“I love you too momma.” She kissed my cheek and allowed Tommy to walk over next.

“Hey bro …”

“Hey Tommy … how’s that band coming along.”

“Eh it’s ok … I dyed my hair purple.”

“No way … light or dark?” He was always so adventurous with his hair color choices. Even more so than me at times.

“Like Barney purple.” I let out a light giggle and clasped my arms around him as he leaned down for a hug. Ashley was next and she leaned down snuggling against me.

“I missed you … boss man.”

“And I missed you … foxy lady.”

I let out a wince and Sauli rushed over.

“Too much baby?”

“It’s starting to hurt again … really bad.” I cried as the pain soared again completely at the mercy of it.

“Ok you just relax in here in the quiet. I’ll go make dinner and then I’ll come back up here with you.”

“No Sauli … that’s ok. You can stay down there with, everyone. I’ll just going to go to sleep.”

“Are you sure?” I nodded and he lovingly kissed my forehead before placing a fresh cold cloth over it. “You text me if you need me.”

“I will.” I mumbled reaching out to rub his cheek before dropping my arm back down and drifting off to much needed sleep.

When I woke up I could smell coffee brewing and realized that it was already morning. The best part was my headache was gone … completely gone. I slowly got up out of bed and retrieved my clothes from the nightstand. I got dressed then slowly and carefully made my way downstairs. As I approached I could hear lots of conversation coming from the kitchen so I made my way over there. As soon as I reached the doorway the talking stopped.

“Hey baby … feeling better?”

“Much …”

I felt arms wrap around my legs and smiled before ruffling her hair.

“Good morning princess. Do you feel like going to the park with me today? I’m sure there are new flowers.”

“Oh yes … I would love that. Can we go now?”

“Yeah come on … just the two of us.” I could hear Sauli gasp and I smiled. “I think I have it memorized by now and besides I KNOW Becca has.”

“Be careful! Do you have your phone?”

“Yes Sauli I have my phone.” I chided playfully. It was sweet that he cared this deeply about me.

“Becca you hold Daddy’s hand ok? Don’t let go of it.”

“Yes papa I won’t let anything happen to him. I promise.”

She said goodbye to everyone and then we joined hands and made our way over to the park. We laid back on the hill and she grabbed my hand again.

“The clouds are really big and puffy today! There’s one that looks like a heart!”

“Oh yeah? Are there a lot of people here?”

“Not many … there’s a mommy pushing a baby in a stroller and some guy is running. There are some kids playing on the playground. Oh daddy there is a new kind of flower!!!! I’ll be right back!!”

“Is it close Becca?”

It was too late she had already darted off. I sat up to get the best sound coming from all directions and I relaxed when I heard her not too far away. Just then a sunbeam broke thru the clouds and I felt a stinging pain in my eyes so I clenched them shut. Becca came back over in the meantime with her new flower in hand.

“Daddy … are you ok?” I slowly opened my eyes and gasped … I could see! It was blurry yet but it was very slowly clearing. I was so shocked I couldn’t speak. Becca sat on my lap looking in my eyes with alarm apparent on her face. “Daddy ….?”

“Call papa Becca.”

She reached for my phone and not even 5 minutes later Sauli came running over. He knelt down in front of me taking my face in his hands.

“Addy what’s wrong!?!”

I started to cry and placed my hand on his cheek rubbing it. He looked so very handsome … even more so than I remembered.

“You’re beautiful …”

Frustration crossed Sauli’s face and he grunted letting himself sit back on his legs instead of being upright. “That’s what you made Becca call me down here to tell me!?! You scared me half to death.”

“I can see baby … I can see.” Sauli wrapped his arms around me and started crying tears of happiness on my shoulder. I pulled one of my arms away and looked over at Becca … she had grown so much even in just 6 months. “Come here princess.”

I just pulled her into my arm the two of us holding her and I never wanted to let go.


	18. I Was Lucky

** Sauli **

When I got out of the shower Adam wasn’t in the bedroom. I figured he might be downstairs with everyone for a little before bed, but when I walked out into the hall I noticed that Becca’s door was open. I curiously walked over and saw Adam just staring at her sleeping. I walked up behind him and he looked back over his shoulder with a smile. I just wrapped my arms around him from behind snuggling close against him.

“She’s so beautiful. I can’t believe how big she got in such a short time.”

“She sure did … are you coming to bed?”

“If you are.” I nodded and he smiled picking me up. I wrapped my legs around him and he carried me the few feet to our bedroom before laying down bringing me down on his chest. He just smiled at me and gently caressed my cheek with his thumb. “I don’t know how you got even more handsome … I didn’t think that was possible. God I missed seeing you. I missed those beautiful crystal blue eyes, those freckles, your dimples, and your adorable little smirk that drives me crazy … hell I missed everything.”

I giggled as I covered the both of us up with a blanket. I snuggled close resting my head on his chest right over his heart. The steady thumping in my ear was my lullaby.

“Addy …?”

“What baby?”

“What if you lose your sight again? What if this was only for a couple hours?” He lifted me slightly upwards and gently smoothed back my hair.

“Then I will have been blessed beyond belief to see my amazing handsome husband and beautiful daughter one last time.” I smiled at him as a tear made its way down my cheek. He brushed it away and allowed me to get comfy again before wrapping his arms tightly around me. “Goodnight my sunshine … I love you so very much”

“Goodnight Addy … I love you so very much as well. How did I get manage to have a husband as amazing as you?”

“I don’t know … just got lucky I guess.” I had to admit he was right … I was lucky.


End file.
